4 AM May 22nd – I was thinking of going back to sleep but it is beautifully dark, beautifully quiet and peaceful. I just awoke from having multiple dreams. It was the first day of our high school and it was more of a wasteland of stoners than an actual school as blunts were passed around before we walked barefoot into a piss covered hallway leading to our homeroom. It only lasted for about five minutes before we all realized how horrible school was and ran off into the darkness. Darkness? Yes its odd school was in the middle of the night and I’m realizing that now. A woman beats her child for acting up asking if he wants to end up in the downtown eastside when he grows up. My dreamlands are… they are definitely something.
I’m awake now. The coffee is made. It’s cold in the house because my landlord cut off the heat to save money so I’m all bundled up. I want to go to the skatepark down the street today so long as it doesn’t rain on me. I feel kind of like I haven’t been my ever-so-optimistic self lately. Now waking up this early I wonder if it’s because I haven’t been waking up before daylight. This feels far better than seeing light as soon as I’m up. It’s been 4 months since I left the homeless shelter but I still haven’t found a routine that truly satisfies me… I’m addicted to ever-changing life but I feel quite still.
I’ve gotten used to living here and am going to start looking for work soon. I want to work in a plant nursery; So I’m going to try that first. If not… I’ll try something else! Transitioning is going just fine. I consider it done and I’m comfy in my own skin, taking pictures as often as I can and daring to go out in dresses and skirts by my lonesome at the spur of any moment. On the other hand I cry a lot; but I’m not sure if that entirely relates to the hormones or not hahaha… Maybe that is silly. Crying over very little and trivial things… But bigger things are an even harder challenge. Today however I am feeling optimistic. I feel refreshed and ready for whatever.
Just checking in.