Rambling optimism; Journal Entry

Not much to say; but not much to complain about. I’m waking up with a completely empty day and empty house. But I do love taking care of this place, its truly beautiful and I am lucky. Writing just for the sake of writing like I SAID I have not much to say. Perhaps I should just say I’m in a better place, often when I’m feeling low I just do not write at all or get half way through a poem and give up. I spent a number of days drowning in sorrow, my loneliness and mood swing mentality; house ridden anxiety but that is long gone now. I’ve spent days with friends and my girlfriend as well as going out and around the city on my own.

I love being myself now, I feel beautiful and no one can take that away from me. One of the downsides of being trans though is having the occasional man say some disgusting sh** to me in front of other people like what happened on the bus yesterday. But I can brush that off easier than pie. In one ear and out the other! Dudes gon’ have a heart attack or die of something any second now anyways.

I got Nujabees playing right now, the “Soul Searching” Album. I highly recommend it for anyone that likes MUSIC in general. Haha… Super chill. Anyways, I am exited to do absolutely nothing today as my last 3 or 4 days were incredibly busy. It would be cool to get into some photography or video or sketching today but who knows, I don’t have an agenda and neither does this post.

Its 8 AM now and I don’t have to make up my mind just yet. I’m writing this because I know I should be. Not for any purpose really, I’m hastily typing away and it has no direction or intention behind it. Its interesting to do that, just doing it because you think you should. Applying myself but what am I applying myself to in the first place? I do not know. Perhaps it is simply optimistic writing.

I’m thankful that I’m alive because when I was younger I really thought I would be gone before 27 just because of my lifestyle/mentality but now I am here and I am happy. Go figure…

Thats all!

Nina

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