Category Archives: About me

I miss you.

Abbot street; an old opium den. The Sun Ah hotel.

The elevator shaft once brought up. the heroin.

Now your blankets and trash are discarded in the rusted abyss.

The distinct smell of crack and meth house mixed with cigarettes, mold and bed bug spray.

Yet when times were rough indeed we still strived to achieve our dreams through tears and fears and thick and thin.

I watched over you and you watched over me. I miss you dearly J bird; rest in peace.

I’ll meet you in a ghetto in the sky and we’ll put a studio in our trap.

Vegan mango fruit juices and topical tropical psychedelic ganja.

I promise you I’m doing good down here and thinking of you my friend.

For me it’s almost like there’s no one left and I can’t wait to see you instead.

We can view the memoirs of our lives mixed and mastered plastered onto the sands of time.

Where do Angels go when they die? I hope to see you again; in the ghetto in the sky.

To JBIRD

LOVE NINA

Blessed.

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Its a Mindful Morning,

I am so utterly blessed and thankful to be able to write; breathe and live my life as well as share. I am so very fortunate for everything that I have and the people I keep beside me with all of my heart. I want to bless the world today in as many ways as I possibly can; to tell you that you are loved and everything is going to be just fine; no matter where you are. In retrospect simply living in love; A very beautiful way to start my day as I type away and smile; feeling blessed.

-Nina

Morning peace. A Rambling random 4 A.m. Journal.

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I love the mornings and have for many years. I wake up and thank the universe for another day in a sense; and another  its always another chance to try again. I’m usually up long before the sunrise and greeting the world with peace. Its always so quiet and so dark… relaxing to the mind. Sipping my coffee. A much needed vice. (Black) Bzzzzzz.

But… I’m fighting a health issue which doesn’t make waking up in the morning very pleasant at first; I fight it; for I love my mornings and I try to get over it as soon as I possibly can…

Right now it is 4 am and I’m just pondering what all needs to be done today. Which isn’t much! Just make some calls and get some refills on a medication; not much to do! Oh. And clean the house… I could probably be doing that one now and I will shortly.

Its been odd to be living completely alone so far from most of the people I know but I am very thankful for everything that Ive gained by getting out and on my own. My own space to keep sacred and do with what I please, whenever I please. Ive lived in quite a few places and I think I am the happiest here. My landlord is very nice and I haven’t bothered him nor him bother me even once.

Before here… it was months in the shelter and even sleeping in an RV; times that were very good and times that were very bad. The RV I bought to get me out of the shelter; oh god did it get cold; but was fun while it lasted….

Anyways; I loved when I moved into this house and it was completely empty; other than my few things I had scrounged up to move in. It was very zendo like to have such few possessions but realistically; my potential to thrive required more.

My girlfriend would visit me constantly and help me get everything I need and it wasn’t long before I did have everything I need and more; she has been amazing. Even getting me this laptop I am typing on now so I could continue with wordpress and youtube (Thank you babe). She helped with furniture, appliances, groceries and anything I could have asked for.

My health issues will be dealt with soon. I have faith in that! And then I can chase dreams and chase much needed paper to provide myself with an even more comfortable living. Right now I am seeing the doctors way too much and am not going to put anything else on my plate. I will get better, I know it.

Optimistically Out!

-Nina

 

 

 

Smile note.

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I will love n smile when the rain begins to fall

And then I will love when the sun begins to shine

I’m going to appreciate that which is beautiful and simple

Like this moment as I type; And sip my warm coffee

Thankful to be alive and breathing

I don’t write to gain; but perhaps learn about myself and…

Just to be happy for that moment; look back at it and smile again

We don’t have time to fret; life is simply too short

So I am here; smiling for no particular reason

But it does

Boost endorphins.

Just a smiley note for day

Yum.

XO.

-Nina

(Against all odds) Just be happy anyways!

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Why did I title this… against all odds? Happiness? Well..For months and months Ive been battling health issues. I spent over a month being dehydrated and extremely light headed (fainting occasionally) and I “FINALLY” conquered that issue recently. It was preventing me from getting work and I was exited for it to be over. BUT Week or Two later… I began throwing up every morning uncontrollably…  Its like morning sickness but Im sadly not pregnant…This has persisted for over a month now as well and we still aren’t really sure what is causing me to be so sick this time, the medication they gave me doesn’t seem to be working… But whatever y’know? Against all odds Imma Just Do Me and BE HAPPY.

I can’t let this sh–t drag me down; I will do whatever I got to do to get through this! and do it happily along the way, hehehe… Peace to all of my followers! and all the people I follow! So much respect to my fellow bloggers, you definitely without knowing it have helped me through these times haha… I don’t like to do any : ANY complaining blog posts. No thats not my style at all. This is a post about positivity and striving to do your best when things are trying to drag you down.

I love my girlfriend (my muse) lol, love her very much and my extremely  supportive parents  and I know they all want to see me doing well and being happy. I hope I make em proud… I celebrate 3 years on hormone replacement therapy ;So thats three years of my life I am extremely EXTREMELY thankful for; its been amazing. No doubt; amazing. Came a long way from last year itself. And yeah… Thats about it for the thankful rant…

Peace everyone. Stay happy, positive and strive on. (Through all obstacles)

-Nina

She carries a mask.

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My nickname is Shade

And I carry with me; many sides.

Growing up they diagnosed me as many things.

They said I was attention deficit. They said I was oppositional defiant They said I was bipolarThey said I was scitzophrenic

And now I am being treated for borderline personality disorder

Its true that I carry these faces and sides like masks hidden beneath the surface. How fitting.

My nickname is shade.

My scitzo effective side terrifies me. My bipolar side is attracted to danger and substance. I am naturally defiant. I am often hyper-active… And they say I am one with borderline personality disorder.

They say that someone with borderline personality disorder can be dangerous. Because we tend to snap in an instant. For me in some cases this is true…

In one instance; stopped by police I pulled my weapon on them! I snapped. Luckily I was not shot…

Where am I going with this….

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I carry these faces and sides.

They hide beneath and hide below.

Where did they come from? I do not know…

They hide until the perfect moment.

Things I cannot control.

 

-Nina