Category Archives: Transgender

Goodnightnina’s: Dont make me… Dark Slam Poetry

Death is kinda cool when ya get used to it! Shieeet* I’m translucent.

When a “faggot” passes on, sometimes they drag-on.. “Dragon,”m MORELIKEIT! imploring that I’m coming for YOUR LIFE. Shit

Loosening up your floorboards creeking* creeping toward yours.

You called me a freak cause I wore make, up… my lace covered face tasting your blood ingedient of your hate as you wake up.

Sweeter than sex is revenge let’s pretend YOU made amends,

I’ll chill a moment… amen”

Playing pianos in your in bed while your shitting yourself alone eyes wide as a full moon lit. Fit of despair your screams are useless. Or maybe in the basement hanging nooses for your amusement.

I hope you use it….

They used to tell me “get ghost.”

Now I’m playing host in bloodstained robes.

I’m crawling up your ceiling eyeballs gleaming with utter disgusting nothingness asking if you remember when you tried forcing me to suck your….

You would harass my phone…now you dread; the dead phone ringing ” you” is this your last **** -HELL-O ****

“It’s… It’s… shade on the phone….”

People make me nauseous. Should have been a little more cautious I’m coming up to your room as several different Objects to turn your body    inside out and CONVEX.

Ghosts in the shade…

When the stars lit I’m outside your window.

Don’t make me crawl in.

Breaking Trans: I’m having a panic attack stepping’ out the door for more. For what?

My stupid ___ mother___ bulls____ anxiety that is absolutely absurd ___ed me over today…to be worrin’ bout whatever the ****! people think of me when I’m hopping’ buss’s and riding around the city? For what…? Why…? I don’t know why…  but its painful !(physically) ….it’s become an issue for me all of a sudden but I do recognize the ins and outs of it! Yeah there gon’ be some people that’ll judge the trans sector of society but we can’t let that stop us from being ourselves… So amidst the  panic attacks I step out the door. Maybe not just for me, maybe I step out that door for other trans and genderqueer people or maybe I do it to show myself that anxiety is but an illusion created by a chemical imbalance in my mind.

I don’t know!

Trans people make up 0.03 of the population of the world making us very much a minority yeah thats true but…There are always going to be good and bad days for everyone, not just people with anxiety and not just trans people. Millions of people across the globe fight there own personal demons and nightmares.

But today I broke mine when I stepped out the door.

Breaking anxiety and breaking trans! 🙂

So shout outs to “me” in my red dress and L.A. Fitted Cap.

Lol.

Glad to be home.

Nina

Something to think about …. “Always Protect the Children ….Really?”!! — It Is What It Is

~~May 3, 2016~~ CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE If a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive, If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves, If a child lives with […]

via Something to think about …. “Always Protect the Children ….Really?”!! — It Is What It Is

Trans Pride: A Higher Cause (Poetry) – Nina

I am…

The Type of writer who lites fires with typewriters.

Trans pride; n its a quite higher:

cause.

Despite my minor flaws I write because.

I’m…

Inspired by role models and not cold bottles.

No more sorrow.

I’m trans and…

Trans transgender pride; my gender why?

In splendor I; am utterly myself.

Selfishly no; selfless by being oneself with.

All that I can and possibly will.

If I didn’t; I’d probably be ill.

Although it really needs no commentary.

On the contrary I still see a bigots daily

I’m doing fine but I can imagine somewhere out there…

Someone is terrified of being themselves

I see this clearly.

Now a common occurring; non obscuring event.

I present myself to the world plus my 2 cents.

Have a conscience; discriminatory nonsense.

Happiness lays around the corner for many.

Plenty if we; could set an example and

Simply be free.

 

Nina

Why Certainly

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My name is Nina; the transgender psycho blogger.

Climbed out of bed and to the coffee

Op-tea-mystic,

World at my fingertips and I worry  bout no shit.

In this moment,

Judgements or backfires are simply a sign of my attempting progress

Attempt unleash repressed

Memories;

I’m Psycho yes; you could ask anyone that knows me personally

I can indulge you if you like,

Why certainly…

 

-Nina

 

 

Jotting my journal away! – Nina

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Journaling is kind of funny on here because it is very random writing for me. Yet it seems to get more views than other posts.  If you clicked here and don’t know me I’m Nina, I am 27 years old and a happily transgender female living on the west coast of Canada (Lovely Vancity). I tend to blog a lot of art, graffiti, poetry, Buddhism related stuff and ocasionally indulge into my life; its ups and downs or spirals down rabbit holes / or perhaps blasting to the moon.

I’m in a great place at this point in my journey and I am really appreciative of friends family and supporters through my m2f transition that occurred for a large portion of my life.  So if you’re reading this, thank you. Also helping to smooth over my recovery from substance abuse and dealing with bipolar and shit that comes along with it, particularly my girlfriend, I love you hun. Thank you.

When I say I am happily trans its because I don’t carry any burdens along with me. I don’t dwell on if I could’ve been born a woman or transitioned sooner. Maybe everything happens at a certain time for a certain reason; I am not really sure, but in this moment it feels right; and I know I am in the right place. And with this: Hoping my life can reach out a hand a little bit; letting people know with growth comes healing.

The studies and posts I do regarding Buddhism, Zen and Tao are important in a large sense and perhaps I should not be the one wording the dharma or explaining it but… I will say that I have grown as a person because of it and it has taken me on journeys I did not think possible. It has also helped with my creativity, focus and recovery from abuse. So I try my best to share that. Untainted.

I have been spending a lot of time with my lover and it’s been wonderful. And although I have relapsed and I have had anxiety and I have been psychotic…

I’m doing good. I am still working on it  and “keep it movin'”.   Always!—- forward.

Today I am just chillin’ at home and watching time slowly pass by. Drawing and reading and  I’m happily typing away and wishing all of you the best wherever you want to go.

Stay beautiful, stay strong.

Peace

Nina

 

 

 

Thank you for the support. And always keep it movin’.

The stress of being a trans girl and manic depressive is sometimes overwhelming but I feel as though I always come out on top. Sure I have my days of dysphoria or anxiety to the point of panic attacks and teardrops. But I also have days that I conquer the world; constantly doing things I didn’t think I could do and have never done before. Few months ago I was living in the streets and not knowing what was going to happen;  and that didn’t even bother me so much in the cold of winter, I just knew I was safe, and I was too strong to let it take me over. Being in the homeless shelter didn’t even make me flinch. Now I’m living in a beautiful spot and STILL sober. STILL not slummin’ my life away for the fuck of it. Honestly… You got to just keep it movin’.

I used to use every excuse in the book to pick up bottles and self indulge in anything and everything self indulgence means…

When we have our bad days we aught to use them even more wisely than the good days. Some of my best writing, art and videos are from the worst moments in my life. You can use your pain as power. When you do shit you’re afraid of doing just cause you can it brings you to a whole new place. When my girlfriend helped release me from many shells I was hiding in; I was again reborn. Always being reborn. She’s the world to me and I couldn’t do it on my own. And the streets showed me that I’m part of something bigger than just myself and my life. I’ve been told that I inspire people; I dont know how much of an inspiration I can be but I guess that I am truly trying, so thank you to everyone showing me support.

It truly means the world.

Nina

Today in story form. -Nina

I promised myself that I would write today for the sake of writing but I don’t feel like I’m forcing it at all. I woke up this morning around 7 o’clock and saw the sunshine cascading through the cracks of my blinds knowing it was going to be a beautiful day. I quickly had coffee, got dressed and did my make-up, exited to run round the city. Walked down the block to get some change for the bus and as I was walking I could swear the flagger girl directing traffic called my name “Nina!” and told me to have a good day… “You too!”… I said smilingly.

I didn’t even exactly decide where I was going; either to pick up a check or to see the love of my life n wake her up n surprise her. As situations played out I stayed on the bus heading to grab the money n grab her after. I sat at the back of the bus truly enjoying this beautiful weather, people, vibes along the river on marine drive south Vancouver. A little girl got on the bus and ran down the isle sitting beside me noticing the art on my tablet; sparking conversations on graffiti, dragons and being transgender at an age …probably 4 years old. I truly love this city; feeling so safe and sound…

I rode around the city bus by bus and got the dough I needed for rent, met up with my lover for breakfast and decided to go shopping. I found a leather studded purse and golden heart bracelets while Larissa grabbed a new summer dress n a very cute bra..She kept thanking me for coming to get her and go shopping n I didn’t know why… until she put it on the dress; I have to say she looked stunning. It’s still hot and sunny as I type this away from my new home maxin n relaxin in my bikini, naturally happily.

lol

love you hun.

-Nina