Category Archives: Transgender

Myself : Part. 1 *

I’m going to attempt to write more about myself,

my life.

Part 1.

      I was always different for sure. Too much too handle for pretty much anyone I grew up with, became friends with or had relationships with. I was kicked out of home at a young age, bipolar disorder and an addictive personality: constantly lit or trying to get high or drugged out and party…being homeless and running the streets with kid gangs basically. Doing petty crimes and shit it was stupid. I’ve changed a lot.

Being transgender only started to blossom when I turned 18, living in a crack shack that the government called a “group home”. Starting to dress how I wanted to …I liked getting drunk, a lot. I’ve always had hobbies and passions but mixing em up with drugs and alcohol was deemed necessary on a daily basis. I also thought drinking was giving me the courage to dress how I wanted.

I’ve been in a few abusive relationships, somehow managing to graduate college and various courses that peaked my interest. When I worked construction it was like selling my feminine soul and I hated myself for it for over 7 years. But nevertheless at 25 I started hormones and transitioned into myself; female full time. I have zero regrets. I have no doubt in my mind of who I am and the choice I made was right.

Since I transitioned Ive had several jobs, schools and was never really targeted for being a trans woman. But I had been partying for a living… for a year…the drugs twisted my mind. I met my girlfriend online, she helped me get out of the trap. She encourages me to peruse any art, job or school I like and I’m happy. Sober. In Love. I can’t get enough and it’s like I’m comfortable for the first time you know?

I’m good.

Dedicated to my girl.

Love Nina

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Smiling Nina

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I smile through great obstacles

Strive for the moments of magic

I see it all around me, dancing along the city lights

In the essence of my home and my lover.

Pushing, striving to keep this magic alive.

I would’ve guessed I’d be dead by now when I was youth;

Depressive state.

But now….

Everything’s is in its place

With the potential to become something better.

I become less and less afraid; stronger every day.

Smiling…

 

Nina

“To be or not to be?”. A transgender conundrum.

IMG_20151121_121015I happened to open an old journal today… it’s interesting to take a look back at a little over  2 and a half years ago when I had put myself in process to get my hormone replacement therapy. I was extremely exited and optimistic, bubbly jabbering in my journal about how much fun I would have transitioning and making notes on my hair styles and aparell. It took a long time but I finally made the right decision for me. This decision took nearly 9 years. It was amazing, more than amazing ; to get to the hardest cornerstone decision that shaped me to the woman I am today. I was proud of it but, this long wait came with its costs…. this 9 year wait was my nightmare of which I could not awake from and still occasionally reminds me of a deeply rooted pain.

It’s extremely common for transgender youth to know that they are a little different than the rest of the flock but unable to fully express themselves, discover themselves or even acknowledge themselves at all! For years we hide our identity or face mountainous in our way: coming out and transitioning and not being treated with simple equality and fairness in the family home and society as well. For myself I was always anxious about anyone knowing or talking about the fact I had crossdressing tendencies; from panic attacks to the secrets I kept to the the dark and dangerous places in the real and online world where I found comfort.

 

For some reason homophobic and transphobic jokes and stereotypes are prevalent among youth. So prevalent it is as though it’s embedded so deep into society that you learn to call someone a faggot before you learn to clean your room. This causes an immediate effect on youth preventing growth and acceptance. I remember it starting in early elementary school, and just now starting to fade away in my late twenties. Hearing this language so much as a kid caused me to jump on a hateful bandwagon that would be quick to bash who I have become today, and who I realized I always have been; a proud transgender woman.

“To be or not to be?”. The question I and many other trans folks ask or had been asking themselves for years. “Should I come out? Should I transition?” Or even, “will I even survive this where I am at in my life? “Where do I fit in the gender spectrum?” Circumstances make everyone’s story vary from the one person to the next. For some it’s work or family, financial or relationship, social or morality. I find in most cases that we all have to run, dodge and bite the bullets coming at us on all fronts.

I made up my mind. In November 2014 I began HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)….To fully transion. I kept pushing in life, going to school and working as a woman under the name I had chosen for myself some years ago, “Nina”. Changing daily routines like bathrooms and reminding people of my preferred pronouns and coming across hateful people in and out of my inner circles was a challenge. But a challenge I gladly faced.

If I can give hope to anybody struggling with these issues I must say that it’s been an amazing journey ever since. I was anew, like being reborn it was surely a fresh start. Today I can honestly say it was one, if not the best decision I have ever made. Obstacles come and go but living my truth, my destiny.

…. Priceless.

Nina Vestergaard