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Depression/Anxiety/Bipolar? Relapse? Fuck that.-Checking in with Nina

Outside it is pouring a warm rain, I’ve left the door wide open, just listening. Drinking my coffee wishing I had slept in but that’s never the case for me. The rain is beautiful and calming and I know warm weather is coming soon and I desperately need it, Sun and exploration. I have a Canon rebel hoping to be out doing street photography shoots and skate videos. Walking the city and hiking the mountains. I know. Good times are coming.

I’m still enjoying my transition; I shouldn’t even call it that because I feel complete. Instead: I’m enjoying life as a woman. I don’t have dysphoria for the most part. Sometimes I don’t even wear makeup and simply rely on my natural beauty; which feels good. I love shopping and building a never-ending wardrobe, I love doing my makeup and picking my outfits or wearing the intimate types for me or my girlfriend and my life is a thousand times better this way.

I’m climbing out of my depressive state; slowly but surely. Taking my blog seriously and taking life seriously around 100 days sober. It’s taken some getting used to coming from using my whole life and recently living in the the shelter to my beautiful home and completely sober but I’m extremely hopeful for the future; letting go of destructive uses of time and onto the constructive… I’m supposed to be tapering down my anxiety meditation but I might have to tell my doctor that I’m actually not ready for that. The thought of battling it without meditation is just… ugh. My anxiety still has a firm grip on me basically; not for any particular reason, it’s just my bipolar.

So basically I’m just overcoming, striving to be better than I was yesterday and holding onto the positives that keep me going. Extremely blessed and lucky: to be alive, to be with my love, having a home and infinite opportunities to grasp and work with. As for anxiety/depression/bipolar, I’m just going to take control of my life and ride the shit out. I’ve been through way too much in this life to let that shit control me. Fuck that.

Nina

Yesterday morning. :)

Yesterday was beautiful. I had woken up at 3 am, happily blogging.. but Around 7 I decided to go out… There’s a skatepark a few blocks from my house; I had been wanting to skate it but alone at first as not to embarrass myself getting used to it. Not a cloud in the sky I walked a few blocks to it and put my bag on a bench.

It’s mostly transition with some vicious vert walls. (Video coming soon). It was a lot of fun. Sun had risen and I had the whole place to myself, riding around my new playground, getting the feel for it I’ve desperately desired since I moved here in January. I did take one fall but Damn I hadn’t skated since last summer!

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Headphones blaring and nothing but concrete and metal; I exploded its potential.

Now I’m ready to really ride this park.

It’s dope what the cities in and around Vancouver do for skaters. We have infinite skateparks honestly.

 

 

Queensborough skate park.

I give you 8 out of 10 stars.

Level advanced.

Too much fun!

 

-Nina

 

A little about Nina. At 3 AM

It’s morning time again, 3 am ;feeling absolutely amazing to wake up this early.Yesterday was a spectacular day with my girlfriend and I, we cooked for each other, cuddled and did random stuff but; everything was “just right”.This morning it’s great to have such serenity in the midnight hour to write away, I feel extremely care-free.  

Life is interesting how things can change, turn around, for better or for worse. I’m extremely blessed to be where I’m at and I should try and use it to better myself ( and I am), over 60 days sober and no longer living in a homeless shelter as I was a few months ago ( it’s complicated) . Now…Being with the woman of my dreams in the house of my dreams. I took myself off of facebook, finding wordpress to be a far better creative outlet. Loving whom and what I’ve found here.

Doing a lot of traditional art and throwing videos on YouTube My YouTube Channel . I find all forms of art extremely addicting, perfect for avoiding idle hands. I know my work doesn’t go unappreciated but I think most artists are always striving for more and more. I don’t even have a computer but I still strive to be posting videos. The thing about videos is once saved, it’s content you can always use… forever.

So I’m in my new house! Having moved in on January first we put this whole house together almost from scratch under $200 and it’s just oh so perfect. We have 1 floor almost brand new everything and I live on almost like an island in the middle of the inner city, I cross a bridge down the street and I can hop on the sky train (subway) to anywhere in the City. I’ve always wanted to live in this neighborhood, my cousin lived here and we were always kind of close. I’ve had many adventures here, always saw myself living here… manifest Destiny?

Here I am in the manifestation, it feels good and I think I know where I am going. I’m going to great places with the one I love, creating beautiful things, building with the community, being sober, being a teacher and a role model, being my genuine self and sharing this love and love of life with the world.

With love,

Nina