Oclock.

Time for discipline; a change

Instead of playing games I script the page

Singing a different tune’

Some people call it moves

But I am the stillness

I will create the sountrack to my own life

Devices construct the cord; as I move “still” toward

Forgiveness is distilled

As unchanged as the fact that only change is real

But Im compounding the elements as we speak

Dance to sing my song diversely n the weight of the world hurts my knees

What is anxiety?

It is the future I hold inside of me

Fuck all the varieties of anxiety supplying me with doubt

I can conquer anything with or without

Its just a stillness and the realness of now.

-Nina

 

 

 

 

Anxiety.

I want to get past this

So I can talk about it in the past tense

The walls are closing in on me

Im scared and I cannot breathe

Im just screaming for help

Is anybody listening?

 

Nina

 

Sadness. (Old Poem)

Bout to make a journal entry. About what? A little empty.

But; Glorious Rainfall 6 AM.

I’m sorry, I’m sick and picked up pen.

My little abyss playpen oblivion I Stay In…

I think that I need to make some serious life decisions…

I am getting a sickness…

I’m an extroverted raven living in a turtle shell under a rock…

Rock and a hard place.

This is too hard on me.

I don’t want this to be a complaining rant, thats not who I am. but Wait…

This isn’t who I am…

I must be doing something wrong then. I’m not that.

Inside and out I am the outgoing smiling eyes always up for surprise, slide around the city laughing until my demise.

People can see me and think vicariously as: “I” the most oblivious one, create, deviate fate I hate to say this but my “Life” Awaits!

I just can’t wait. Its bad for my health.

This isn’t about sex or wealth.

Shit, maybe it is…

I kind of hate myself.

Not because I don’t love you.

Because I do love you.

But fast life was quite surreal.

But I do kind of hate myself.

For bringing this on us. On myself.

Onward or forward ,please! if you would just step with me I’d chill. For real!

But like my old poem; it’s like going nowhere fast, present is my past.

Because I’m lonely. Wishing you were at home with me.

Sitting here waiting for my phone to ring…

I’m just sad.

 

Nina

Wait! Stop Scrolling I Have to Tell You Something!

“The happy inner soul inside of you is waiting to come back and start again!

Harmonious balance is indeed an affliction but one cannot feel pleasure without pain”.

 

You know that feeling of angst;

Pain and anxiety that seems to linger.

It is simply impermanence;

It is part of balance.

I just wanted to remind you;

It is going to be okay.

And that “Everything“;

Happens for a “reason”…

 

Hold on, Be strong.

 

-Nina

 

 

Rhym3 Th3r^py.

“For the last 3 years; every holiday puts me in tears…”

 

But Im slurvibin’ ; I survived more than your knowledge.

So don’t judge; I won’t budge; Graduated from college but..

Im here to topple all of this.

 

Only move a muscle yo; To see my people comfortable

I’m comfortable

With what woulnt quite be enough for you.

 

-Minimalistic-

Kill Switch*

 

I am the mass creator of my destiny.

Applicate this upon the flash fader.

If Im gon write something; its gon surpass the ages.

I’m here to set you free.

 

In this digital subliminal “We all world criminals”.

Being watched; check your watch;

The internets 7th letter.

9 O’clock.

 

Open that third eye and peep the:

[Insert;  present moment birds eye.]

Vision like an ecylpse  of consciousness. Sub-Ominnous

Heard eyes.

Heard I?

 

(Zenzory Crozzover)

Spent too many days Not Sober.

Suffer my consequences

Lets get.

All over.

Again…

 

-Nina

I don’t want to come down yet! – Nina

My bipolar is like riding a see-saw.

Just praying it’s not time to come down yet.

Not time to quit believing in myself.

Not time to be delusional yet.

Not time to spend the next few days crying.

Please.

Don’t let me hit the ground.

I don’t want to come down yet.

-Nina

 

More Need, Greater Benefit

Knowledge.

Great Middle Way

There is much anxiety and restlessness in most persons today, which are symptoms of agitation. The human mind simply cannot process properly the enormous amounts of sensory input to which it is exposed constantly. Thus, although finding the time and the emotional and physical ‘space’ in which to meditate may be more difficult in the modern world than it was in a rural setting in the past, the need and the benefit are actually greater.

There is an old Buddhist saying that everyone should meditate for ½ hour every day ―except for those who are too busy, who must meditate for at least one full hour.  This is not a clever, flippant remark. There is great wisdom in it, as the busier our lives, the greater the need to meditate.

However, please be gentle and kind to yourself. My Teacher used to say that meditating 7 days per week is optimal…

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“Keep going!” she said…

The tears

They stream down my face.

On a breakdown verge.

An… Apocalypse

Of the mind

Shattered pieces of life

Ashes

Something is heard through my sobbing…

Hearing myself as a child.

Screaming at me…

Screaming through space and time

At the top of her lungs

Through the years of pain and anguish

She screams.

“Keep going! Your almost there!”.

I hear her…

and I turn away from my nightmare….

wipe my chin*

“Thank you”.

I say back to her…

And place one more step

And then another…

Towards the concept…

The idea…

Of freedom…

And all of its glory.

 

-Nina

 

Listening to my corrupted mind…

The words are too sharp

Shuttering my soul

My eyes wide as the moon

Calling to the night to save me

With no answer replied

Like a knife gliding along my vertebrae

Defenseless against my own self doubt

Every minute every moment longer than the last

Glimpsing in astonishment; the utter darkness of my mind

Terrified in disgust

I’m trembling in my

Menacing vibrations

That I created

I can’t take this anymore

Finishes the poem*

Nina

Haiku Pain

Its deep and its dark

Throat gripping my soul so hard

Anxiety clasp