Tag Archives: Bipolar

Schematics.

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I could map the schematics of my psychotic mind

They are highways to “The High Way”.

Alleyways to the gutter.

Left and right is up and down

And I’m never coming down unfortunately

I look down and the only down is death

Climbing the barbed wire fence to the other side

Pain and suffering is life; we all do know

Simply row that boat

So gently down the stream

I am the lost one; always have been

Cause life is but a dream.

 

-Nina

RhYmETHeRaPY .NoT QUITE pSYCHOenOugh.

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IFIMNOTQUITE PSYCHOENOUGH

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WishINI wasCrAZier Than I am NOW

It’D be More Profound iF i Silenced the sound…

After the rounds rained n ANnounced My Style

Hopefully I wouldn’t go down the DarKER path and nod out

Go all out; fall off; fall out; ON CLOUT.

Demount reality and call out.

Im fuckin here NoW

Yeah its fucking weird now

Maybe I’d be an EyeCon with what I’m on

I know I’m TNEREFFID you can see it with the lights off

Im mad / myself for being mad /myself

Why my whole life; I dig a hole right

Where my soul right?

My soles are holes from walking the road I…

I know that ain’t right; just killing me in HindzsightZ

Get my mind right by loosening the screw$

S-hits too tight-

and the timing for losing my mind

Was Juuuuust Right.

But if I was more loco I’d know more-so the deeper the door goes

Open it up…

Then I wouldn’t be mad at myself; simply just mad; myself

I’d fight viciously and live vicariously promiscuously

Winking she*

And obliviously write on the walls of history

Maybe I’d be that myth n that mystery that sets me free

I could be anyone and anything and when its ALL SAID AND DONE

Maybe they’d remember me

As a brave soul; a soldier went an awal for a great good

If I could be a better me than I wouldn’t have a name

Just an entity that recipes the next belief

Sets me free and I can R.I.P.

In the gutter where my mind

Has always been.

 

Nina

She carries a mask.

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My nickname is Shade

And I carry with me; many sides.

Growing up they diagnosed me as many things.

They said I was attention deficit. They said I was oppositional defiant They said I was bipolarThey said I was scitzophrenic

And now I am being treated for borderline personality disorder

Its true that I carry these faces and sides like masks hidden beneath the surface. How fitting.

My nickname is shade.

My scitzo effective side terrifies me. My bipolar side is attracted to danger and substance. I am naturally defiant. I am often hyper-active… And they say I am one with borderline personality disorder.

They say that someone with borderline personality disorder can be dangerous. Because we tend to snap in an instant. For me in some cases this is true…

In one instance; stopped by police I pulled my weapon on them! I snapped. Luckily I was not shot…

Where am I going with this….

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I carry these faces and sides.

They hide beneath and hide below.

Where did they come from? I do not know…

They hide until the perfect moment.

Things I cannot control.

 

-Nina

 

 

 

I must admit – Nina

I must admit;

I’m terrified of the present and past tense

Medicinal rations get me past it.

Until my luck runs out;

Screaming I Wont come down!

My bad days are so bad that my good days are so good that I get a…

Rush; So I’m climbing up.

This aint so rough, but.

The hardest part is the way down they said…

I dont dread. IT. NOT A BIT.

Just chillin’ on this mountain top lit…

And I must admit.

Its real nice up here.

Looking down at my next nightmare.

-Nina