RhYmETHeRaPY .NoT QUITE pSYCHOenOugh.

IFIMNOTQUITE PSYCHOENOUGH

THEYLLBECALLINGMYBLUFF

WishINI wasCrAZier Than I am NOW

It’D be More Profound iF i Silenced the sound…

After the rounds rained n ANnounced My Style

Hopefully I wouldn’t go down the DarKER path and nod out

Go all out; fall off; fall out; ON CLOUT.

Demount reality and call out.

Im fuckin here NoW

Yeah its fucking weird now

Maybe I’d be an EyeCon with what I’m on

I know I’m TNEREFFID you can see it with the lights off

Im mad / myself for being mad /myself

Why my whole life; I dig a hole right

Where my soul right?

My soles are holes from walking the road I…

I know that ain’t right; just killing me in HindzsightZ

Get my mind right by loosening the screw$

S-hits too tight-

and the timing for losing my mind

Was Juuuuust Right.

But if I was more loco I’d know more-so the deeper the door goes

Open it up…

Then I wouldn’t be mad at myself; simply just mad; myself

I’d fight viciously and live vicariously promiscuously

Winking she*

And obliviously write on the walls of history

Maybe I’d be that myth n that mystery that sets me free

I could be anyone and anything and when its ALL SAID AND DONE

Maybe they’d remember me

As a brave soul; a soldier went an awal for a great good

If I could be a better me than I wouldn’t have a name

Just an entity that recipes the next belief

Sets me free and I can R.I.P.

In the gutter where my mind

Has always been.

 

Nina

My demons love me.

 

I flirt with death,

Devil,

Demise;

My demons love me

Looking me in my eyes

They are always here…

They know who I am

Where I’ve been

Where I hide

Are they in control?

Am I just here for the “Ride?”

 

-Nina

Stranded.

 

Far far away from here;

Near your heart I wait.

Try to abandon;

My fear of abandonment

This island is far too silent;

I can’t handle it.

Stranded alone in-tangent

This pain;

I can’t manage…

-Nina

 

Tears.

Oh Ive been waiting for you… The dormant torment

The mind and body sadistic performance

The feeling of hearing a pin drop in an empty stadium

Like seeing life from the worst possible angle

Not to mention Im really ill; for sure.

Seems the acid burning ; a sickness that has no cure

Where is everyone?  I know I’m here

The sensory overload and mind numbing fear

While my mind has devised plots against me

Feels like the whole world resents me…

Ive been waiting for you… No you never forget a thing like this

When its the end of the end of the end… again…

While I am all alone. And my friends are nowhere to be found

Its astounding how easily I hear my heart pounding but…

Reality setting in like formed concrete in my heart

I can’t breathe… Honestly… This girl needs a doc…

Something burns her stomach… Please…

An anti anxiety for the delusion paranoia hallucinatory day

She is about to have one of the worst days of her life so far…

The mind has the power to destroy; no holds bar.

Something inside her won’t…

Let go… and… It makes her want to die…

She decided to run…

“I don’t want to die, I want to live…”

She cries*

“Rest in peace and see you… on the other side of this”.

 

-Nina

Sense or… sense less. – Nina

I’m not special.

From you or them or anyone on earth

Nothing makes me better nor worse

But I feel like an alien in a sense…

Unable to bind to any of these earthly elements

Always wondering where to go from here

This doesn’t quite fit…

When years pass like seconds

Lifes essence is silently intrepid

Odd this “time” on earth…

It’s troublesome…

So; My mind is elsewhere

Is anyone else here?

In this utterly blinding heartfelt darkness

Or is this just simply…

Nonsensely farfetched

That I feel no different than any being

But I’m an entirely different entity

Blessed serenity?

Alien displaced mentally!

Relentlessly pretending these human “customs”

Are acceptable to … anything….

-Nina

She carries a mask.

My nickname is Shade

And I carry with me; many sides.

Growing up they diagnosed me as many things.

They said I was attention deficit. They said I was oppositional defiant They said I was bipolarThey said I was scitzophrenic

And now I am being treated for borderline personality disorder

Its true that I carry these faces and sides like masks hidden beneath the surface. How fitting.

My nickname is shade.

My scitzo effective side terrifies me. My bipolar side is attracted to danger and substance. I am naturally defiant. I am often hyper-active… And they say I am one with borderline personality disorder.

They say that someone with borderline personality disorder can be dangerous. Because we tend to snap in an instant. For me in some cases this is true…

In one instance; stopped by police I pulled my weapon on them! I snapped. Luckily I was not shot…

Where am I going with this….

I carry these faces and sides.

They hide beneath and hide below.

Where did they come from? I do not know…

They hide until the perfect moment.

Things I cannot control.

 

-Nina

 

 

 

She can’t give up…

She won’t …

Beaten as the path we all walk till our deaths

Beaten bruised tattered and torn

Yet…

She is the fiery storm;

The fiery storm she fears the more than anything

Yet she won’t give up

She walks… and walks…

Alone in solitude

She veils herself like an ancient goddess

Hidden amongst shadows

Why wouldn’t she be?

On planet corrupted with dark clouds?

One must be protected but

The rain pours and drips down…

Alone, cold, damp and dark

Reflections of it all beaming upward

At her face looking sadly down

Dreary gloom…

Her feet place upon them;

Cascading the lights and reflective glow

Lights of dreams always forever flicker and move amongst the rain

She keeps walking

She has to go…

The wake of her forgotten smile is somewhere

So she searches for it

Until time ceases to exist

She can’t give up.

She won’t…

Walking on the beaten path we all walk

Till death.

-Nina

Falling… -Nina

“Please… ” I whimper,  “Don’t Lose”…

“Your grip of me.” ….

“I’m falling!”

 

*Our hands beginning to slip*

-Looking down-

And then up….

Tears stream down my face…

 

Into your eyes. I stare…

“I don’t want to say…”

“Goodbye”….

 

As the grip,

hope,

love,

is lost…

 

I’m falling.

 

-Nina

 

Unnatural – Nina

You ever wonder if this is all a little too right?

Or a little too wrong?

If life was previously scripted?

Would that explain the mystic?

Or am i being superstitious that god would hold me like he’s superficial.

Haunted taunted and flaunted; fraud, a masquerade ; a facade ascertained:

Such… Immense Pain

From the darkness of which I abide; just simply trying to hide

From everything.

Wondering if life is a cruel joke and I’m the punchline…

I’m just indulging you in my psychotic life enduced paranoia

Pretend your me for just a moment

Everything I’ve ever done and seen and been did a god condone it?

I have extremed hightened senses that might implement the actions of a lunatic

A full moon is lit and the night is luminous

You must be new to this…

Welcome to a place where you’re not afraid to die because if you don’t die you’re afraid they’ll die because we all came here to die.

No lie.

I haven’t slept in days; its been about a week and I’m a subject of 21st century ways

How unnatural is this age

It can make anybody crazy

Maybe?

 

-Nina

 

 

The toy box in my bedroom. A short story by Goodnightnina

Had to Reblogg!

GoodnightNina.

Once upon a time, perhaps in another dimension of sorts. Or perhaps an altered reality ( a parallel to the norm which had been departed ). There was a world… it was a dark world like our own although the visions and communications to the mind lay shrouded in an unknown; as to wake up drunk in an amusement park in an abandoned ghost town. All those who enter this realm are intoxicated… euphoric… Or confused.

In this place the laws of physics are often bent, finding oneself transporting from one place to the next. Perhaps flying over the maps of which the reality created unto itself. It is itself; a living and growing place. It’s a place you’ve never been, but you have, faces you’ve never seen but it’s as though a permanent dejavu. Traveling along to its ominous melody.

I find myself in this place often. I climb…

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