How lucky can I be.
I’ve survived all I’ve seen.
How many of these streets.
Nights and memories.
I’ve been paralyzed by thought.
Traps that I was caught.
Bleeding in the streets.
Many lessons I was taught.
I escaped unscathed.
My mind bathes in yesterdays.
All the different ways,
That I chose that I would play.
Cityscape playgrounds, money and indulgence.
Self destructive lust, my control was that of nothing.
How many others… survived the jungle traps.
I hope that you’ve all survived.
The things we grew attached.
The streets of Vancouver tell millions of stories, good and bad. This day was an incredibly dark day of my life and has lurking memories attached with it, I could have easily overdosed or been taken advantage of in the making of this short film. Night Traps by Ashes of Purgatory / my best friend recorded this with me at Deluca sound Lab, he was living in the Sun Ah projects while I was hustling and had taken far too much substance 911 was eventually called but this footage was taken right up to that point. Night Traps. Street photography / cinematography. Vancouver’s downtown east side. A dark day.
I can’t believe I’m mustering up to write some sort of bio. Feels fucking weird….
I think writing about yourself in depth; story form, is kind of… narcissistic. But I’m a hip hop artist so perhaps I’ve already gone there… *laughs out loud*
I could remember starting up rap battling ciphers in elementary school. On the school field, upscale neighborhood acting tough with no account and if you weren’t droppings rhymes you didn’t have privilege so bounce! (I still got it lol).
I had a girlfriend in elementary school that could pass for 22… Far more grown up than I was, it’s like she took me under her wing. I was standing hardly 5’2 with the most gorgeous girl in school. I loved her but our relationship was a fool 😉 . Ing* around time flies when your high as a kite tripping with her every night, eventually we both moved on. She went off to a private school…. lost touch completely.
Meanwhile I bounced around high school public educational facilities like it was a special ability. I learned so much!!!!! How to fight, hustle, party, skate, play ball, joyride, go bombing (paint graffiti), know my way around a city of 4 million like the back of my hand…..amoung many other things that went hand in hand with blunts, coronas, and tequila.
I managed to not get involved with crack or guns, meth and heroin. Although I often spent time in what is often referred to as the world’s largest open drug market. Now looking back… I’ve lost a lot of friends to this city and I cry about it quite often.
I can’t write anymore right now.
I’m going to attempt to write more about myself,
I was always different for sure. Too much too handle for pretty much anyone I grew up with, became friends with or had relationships with. I was kicked out of home at a young age, bipolar disorder and an addictive personality: constantly lit or trying to get high or drugged out and party…being homeless and running the streets with kid gangs basically. Doing petty crimes and shit it was stupid. I’ve changed a lot.
Being transgender only started to blossom when I turned 18, living in a crack shack that the government called a “group home”. Starting to dress how I wanted to …I liked getting drunk, a lot. I’ve always had hobbies and passions but mixing em up with drugs and alcohol was deemed necessary on a daily basis. I also thought drinking was giving me the courage to dress how I wanted.
I’ve been in a few abusive relationships, somehow managing to graduate college and various courses that peaked my interest. When I worked construction it was like selling my feminine soul and I hated myself for it for over 7 years. But nevertheless at 25 I started hormones and transitioned into myself; female full time. I have zero regrets. I have no doubt in my mind of who I am and the choice I made was right.
Since I transitioned Ive had several jobs, schools and was never really targeted for being a trans woman. But I had been partying for a living… for a year…the drugs twisted my mind. I met my girlfriend online, she helped me get out of the trap. She encourages me to peruse any art, job or school I like and I’m happy. Sober. In Love. I can’t get enough and it’s like I’m comfortable for the first time you know?
Dedicated to my girl.