Tag Archives: Journey

Being transgender is more exiting.

Photo on 16-06-06 at 8.01 AM #4

I didn’t have the typical story of knowing I was a girl at a very young age. I grew into it naturally like a new pair of shoes. It’s exciting to me; everyday is exiting to get dressed and do my makeup and be me! It’s beautiful. The days spent out or the days shut in…. they represent me and they represent freedom. I am not the transgender girl complaining about the surrounding world, I am the lucky one passing day by the ”Practically” unscathed. Practically but most definitely not entirely. Imma keep stomping on. .

Journey. – Nina

Life is like a sort of journey

But I have no fixed plans on arrival

No control I depart into unknown

Encircled aura of protection surroundings me

Unafraid, unscathed casting rays of light

Travelling in music and in the subconscious flight

In reality; departing norm and taking many forms

Crossing bridges and borders, water space and time

Luminous calm and ease, feeling the breeze

Feeling the earths magnetic pull and vibrations

Every step takes me “that” much closer

Every moment in each moment leading me to a single moment

Hold it…

A point in time similar to a Destiny

But It’s my own recipe

Law of attractions; I’m creating reactions

Now what’s next for me?

 

 

Waking Up at 3 Am. About me & Journaling

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Melancholy mood as I wonder why I get up so early, I was in a deep and dreamy sleep. I’m happy to be up and alive but… Dysphoria has come back into my life lately which is very odd for me. For those who don’t know “dysphoria” it is basically meaning I’m not seeing the girl I usually see in the mirror. It’s like, not recognizing her. That’s not me… it’s dysphoria about gender. And it’s painful. Counting my burdens and my blessings.

My moods are slowly stabilizing since I’m back on my anxiety meditation as of two days ago which is great but I’m still not feeling 100%. I wish it were as simple as simply snapping out of a negative mind state or taking a pill, but that’s rarely the case for people with mood disorders and anxiety such as myself. Plus the dysphoria thing… Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for the most part yesterday and this morning but there’s a swing of moods that I can’t dodge forever.

I’m hoping to conquer these issues one way or another and one step at a time. I’m still sober, around 90 days, I’m not having problems budgeting my money and I’m almost finished my probational period for the graffiti charges following me for the last year and a half. I have an amazing partner who’s helping me with all of this and encouraging me to channel my creativity. Also rebuilding a relationship with my family as I wasn’t the easiest child; having bipolar disorder and substance issues, my family are happy to see me doing so well in these aspects.

Thinking of buying a new laptop soon because I’m a very creative, visual and musical soul. This tablet just isn’t cutting it.

Much love:

Nina

Transcending Dawn -Nina

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I try to keep normality absent. / As if I could mask it.
Transcend gender / transgender madd Kidd.
A retired liar /open book on fire;
Trying to inspire….
Jumping fences / caught on hooks and wire.
I can envision a promise land.
Tearing my clothes, Expose myself, / Dawn at hand.
Embrace the fate over the broken gate. / Even amidst the hundreds of broken promises.
I envision this grace / and the sacred place awaits.
We here now….
I bring my twin with me; polarity / solar ascend from our anatomy.
2 spirited 2 spirits 2 spearheaded /to a new birth of clarity.
Syncopated vibrations / soaring auras.
Space time gravitating towards us.
The sentiment unprecedent /We are auroras borealus.
More than God can handle.
More than the laws of nature.
Finally enter the state /open the gate
cause fate awaits us.

Nina

Story of Buddha by Nina Yin

“The importance of oneself.

Should not be important at all.

In essence we are natural.

But natural is not our essence

Until we are enlightened”

-Nina

 

Buddha’s mother couldn’t get pregnant, one night she had a dream, visited by an elephant carrying a lotus, the elephant touched the side of her stomach.

The Queen was pregnant.

After Buddha’s birth he was taken to a guru.

Born into a royal family

Saddat (Buddha)  was to be a ruling king that the world had never seen….or a holy man (The Buddha) said the Guru.

His father tried desperately to hide the truth for many years, wishing he would never see suffering, and forever was to be indulging him in Luxury.

Saddat lived luxurious for many years but needed to find enlightenment, to understand his questions of life not found in self indulgence.

Saddat ran from the castle, his family and wealth.

He shaved his head and lived in homelessness.

-In Buddhism: Peace is found in poverty and without worldly things.-

After countless years of different practices and teachings.

Starving oneself for many years, practicing ancient rituals and studying….

Saddat took up starving oneself, thinking the key to enlightenment was to be without anything human to need nothing…

….he became but a skeleton…

His eyes deep in his skull like a light at a bottom of a dark well.

This was not the way.

Saddat was the most malnourished, deep in this practice.

But one day.

He got up from meditation.

He was given rice porridge by a woman walking by.

The others were shocked and exclaimed “Saddat loves luxury!”

Ashamed of him, but.

Buddha realized

There is good, in our lives, good that we need and is important.

Under a the boddhi tree sat meditating.

The Sun moved through the sky but the shadow of his tree did not move, the tree kept him comfortable,

He touched the ground connected with the universe and unto Buddha he became.

People from all over sought his teachings.

He taught for many more years to his disciples.

Noble truths,

compassion

and the way

enlightenment.

 

“It’s time for me to go”. He exclaimed.

“I will be in Nirvana”.

*Enlightened*, placing his hand to the earth.

leaving his teachings behind.

Forever.

-Nina Yin