Tag Archives: Life

Go.

Dare to write

Writing your dreams, desire, sex, love and passion

Whatever that may be

You can see your thoughts colliding with concrete written form

It’s bare and exposed

Lighting a way through the dark reality of human consciousness

Love yourself

Blessed with the food, shelter, family friends

Give thanks when you write

Nobody is promised tomorrow

Everybody does but not everybody lives.

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No story.

My story has never really been told. It’s hard to comprehend my life in any concrete sense. It’s a brutally savage blur that I simply have to live through. I can’t really remember a time in my life that didn’t feel slightly torturous. Everything always falls down and I beat myself mercilessly for this. It makes me anxious; so anxious I cry often. And I want to die often. Today is my 30th birthday and I lay on my bed reflecting on these 30 years on earth. I never thought I would make it this far. I just generally assumed that something or someone would have taken my life long ago. I do have my happy moments but they are generally outweighed by burdens and anxiety… Or psychosis. I wish it wasn’t like this but it is. Addicted to alcohol but living in denial that I’m in control. I am not in control and my pain becomes everyone around mes pain. For that I am ashamed. I do not love myself very often. How can I love another. This all sounds so depressing but … Sometimes I just need to explain what’s hidden behind my smiles and laughter. I try and try to love with all of my heart but everyone just ends up hurt. Me included.

I’m sorry.

Swimming in Time.

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My soul is saturated in this mystery

My intermittent infinite history

Soaked and infatuated with this existence

Time is time is time…

Tingling down my spine

I’m swimming in time…

Every single day and every single moment

And this…

Deep dark

Breeds luminous light

Stormy nights; A lightning strike

Sentimental energy entities

It’s a hell of a recipe

Gravitating time I drift along

Swimming; time is singing me songs

Of the past and present

Infinite future

Just.

Swimming in time.

 

Nina

(Against all odds) Just be happy anyways!

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Why did I title this… against all odds? Happiness? Well..For months and months Ive been battling health issues. I spent over a month being dehydrated and extremely light headed (fainting occasionally) and I “FINALLY” conquered that issue recently. It was preventing me from getting work and I was exited for it to be over. BUT Week or Two later… I began throwing up every morning uncontrollably…  Its like morning sickness but Im sadly not pregnant…This has persisted for over a month now as well and we still aren’t really sure what is causing me to be so sick this time, the medication they gave me doesn’t seem to be working… But whatever y’know? Against all odds Imma Just Do Me and BE HAPPY.

I can’t let this sh–t drag me down; I will do whatever I got to do to get through this! and do it happily along the way, hehehe… Peace to all of my followers! and all the people I follow! So much respect to my fellow bloggers, you definitely without knowing it have helped me through these times haha… I don’t like to do any : ANY complaining blog posts. No thats not my style at all. This is a post about positivity and striving to do your best when things are trying to drag you down.

I love my girlfriend (my muse) lol, love her very much and my extremely  supportive parents  and I know they all want to see me doing well and being happy. I hope I make em proud… I celebrate 3 years on hormone replacement therapy ;So thats three years of my life I am extremely EXTREMELY thankful for; its been amazing. No doubt; amazing. Came a long way from last year itself. And yeah… Thats about it for the thankful rant…

Peace everyone. Stay happy, positive and strive on. (Through all obstacles)

-Nina