Dare to write
Writing your dreams, desire, sex, love and passion
Whatever that may be
You can see your thoughts colliding with concrete written form
It’s bare and exposed
Lighting a way through the dark reality of human consciousness
Blessed with the food, shelter, family friends
Give thanks when you write
Nobody is promised tomorrow
Everybody does but not everybody lives.
My story has never really been told. It’s hard to comprehend my life in any concrete sense. It’s a brutally savage blur that I simply have to live through. I can’t really remember a time in my life that didn’t feel slightly torturous. Everything always falls down and I beat myself mercilessly for this. It makes me anxious; so anxious I cry often. And I want to die often. Today is my 30th birthday and I lay on my bed reflecting on these 30 years on earth. I never thought I would make it this far. I just generally assumed that something or someone would have taken my life long ago. I do have my happy moments but they are generally outweighed by burdens and anxiety… Or psychosis. I wish it wasn’t like this but it is. Addicted to alcohol but living in denial that I’m in control. I am not in control and my pain becomes everyone around mes pain. For that I am ashamed. I do not love myself very often. How can I love another. This all sounds so depressing but … Sometimes I just need to explain what’s hidden behind my smiles and laughter. I try and try to love with all of my heart but everyone just ends up hurt. Me included.
Its all been slowed to a stop
And I felt like a child again
Something as simple as the breeze blowing on my face
And the sound of wind
The tattering rain on the tin roof
And the slightest warmth in the air
Smiling when I can feel,
And hear; the earths simple pleasures
Timeless is and
Precious is life.
My soul is saturated in this mystery
My intermittent infinite history
Soaked and infatuated with this existence
Time is time is time…
Tingling down my spine
I’m swimming in time…
Every single day and every single moment
Breeds luminous light
Stormy nights; A lightning strike
Sentimental energy entities
It’s a hell of a recipe
Gravitating time I drift along
Swimming; time is singing me songs
Of the past and present
Swimming in time.
Why did I title this… against all odds? Happiness? Well..For months and months Ive been battling health issues. I spent over a month being dehydrated and extremely light headed (fainting occasionally) and I “FINALLY” conquered that issue recently. It was preventing me from getting work and I was exited for it to be over. BUT Week or Two later… I began throwing up every morning uncontrollably… Its like morning sickness but Im sadly not pregnant…This has persisted for over a month now as well and we still aren’t really sure what is causing me to be so sick this time, the medication they gave me doesn’t seem to be working… But whatever y’know? Against all odds Imma Just Do Me and BE HAPPY.
I can’t let this sh–t drag me down; I will do whatever I got to do to get through this! and do it happily along the way, hehehe… Peace to all of my followers! and all the people I follow! So much respect to my fellow bloggers, you definitely without knowing it have helped me through these times haha… I don’t like to do any : ANY complaining blog posts. No thats not my style at all. This is a post about positivity and striving to do your best when things are trying to drag you down.
I love my girlfriend (my muse) lol, love her very much and my extremely supportive parents and I know they all want to see me doing well and being happy. I hope I make em proud… I celebrate 3 years on hormone replacement therapy ;So thats three years of my life I am extremely EXTREMELY thankful for; its been amazing. No doubt; amazing. Came a long way from last year itself. And yeah… Thats about it for the thankful rant…
Peace everyone. Stay happy, positive and strive on. (Through all obstacles)