I love the mornings and have for many years. I wake up and thank the universe for another day in a sense; and another its always another chance to try again. I’m usually up long before the sunrise and greeting the world with peace. Its always so quiet and so dark… relaxing to the mind. Sipping my coffee. A much needed vice. (Black) Bzzzzzz.
But… I’m fighting a health issue which doesn’t make waking up in the morning very pleasant at first; I fight it; for I love my mornings and I try to get over it as soon as I possibly can…
Right now it is 4 am and I’m just pondering what all needs to be done today. Which isn’t much! Just make some calls and get some refills on a medication; not much to do! Oh. And clean the house… I could probably be doing that one now and I will shortly.
Its been odd to be living completely alone so far from most of the people I know but I am very thankful for everything that Ive gained by getting out and on my own. My own space to keep sacred and do with what I please, whenever I please. Ive lived in quite a few places and I think I am the happiest here. My landlord is very nice and I haven’t bothered him nor him bother me even once.
Before here… it was months in the shelter and even sleeping in an RV; times that were very good and times that were very bad. The RV I bought to get me out of the shelter; oh god did it get cold; but was fun while it lasted….
Anyways; I loved when I moved into this house and it was completely empty; other than my few things I had scrounged up to move in. It was very zendo like to have such few possessions but realistically; my potential to thrive required more.
My girlfriend would visit me constantly and help me get everything I need and it wasn’t long before I did have everything I need and more; she has been amazing. Even getting me this laptop I am typing on now so I could continue with wordpress and youtube (Thank you babe). She helped with furniture, appliances, groceries and anything I could have asked for.
My health issues will be dealt with soon. I have faith in that! And then I can chase dreams and chase much needed paper to provide myself with an even more comfortable living. Right now I am seeing the doctors way too much and am not going to put anything else on my plate. I will get better, I know it.
Today I have an appetite to write; Finally back to a stage where I feel comfy sharing my life.
“Its been a hard 6 months but I think I can finally jump back on top of the ball; bounce off the walls happy and giddy… I think that is my true side after all.”…
I used to love to write journal entries in my blog and I think I can do it again.
One of the first things that comes to my mind is you L.C. ;
To my lovely girlfriend it was great to see you yesterday if you are reading this.
Whatever I choose to say doesn’t even really matter; I’d be happy to splatter the page with utter bonkers nonsense. But I don’t really have to do that. Rats…
So it was a hard 6 months being sick and not seeing the love of my life as much as I wish but amazing things have happened to me whether I like to acknowledge them or not.
Wait what are the amazing things? Well… I am still alive; thats one. I have battled mental and physical illness and won. Thats two… I’m still very much in love with my girl… Thats threeeee. I don’t know is three little things amazing enough? Yeah I guess it is.
OH. A year anniversary of moving into my home. Realistically; things are great, I am often just extremely happy to be lying in my bed and staring at the ceiling. Battling Bipolar comes with some serious depression but I have learned over the past 10 years with it how to deal.
Woah this really is just a rant of nothingness. Hmmm… Nothingness is pretty calm though.
I wonder if I even still have readers that look to my posts after I seemingly started giving less and less…. I suppose I am still writing some poetry of course but It “In my opinion” doesn’t have the same finesse as when I began.
It’s morning time again, 3 am ;feeling absolutely amazing to wake up this early.Yesterday was a spectacular day with my girlfriend and I, we cooked for each other, cuddled and did random stuff but; everything was “just right”.This morning it’s great to have such serenity in the midnight hour to write away, I feel extremely care-free.
Life is interesting how things can change, turn around, for better or for worse. I’m extremely blessed to be where I’m at and I should try and use it to better myself ( and I am), over 60 days sober and no longer living in a homeless shelter as I was a few months ago ( it’s complicated) . Now…Being with the woman of my dreams in the house of my dreams. I took myself off of facebook, finding wordpress to be a far better creative outlet. Loving whom and what I’ve found here.
Doing a lot of traditional art and throwing videos on YouTube My YouTube Channel . I find all forms of art extremely addicting, perfect for avoiding idle hands. I know my work doesn’t go unappreciated but I think most artists are always striving for more and more. I don’t even have a computer but I still strive to be posting videos. The thing about videos is once saved, it’s content you can always use… forever.
So I’m in my new house! Having moved in on January first we put this whole house together almost from scratch under $200 and it’s just oh so perfect. We have 1 floor almost brand new everything and I live on almost like an island in the middle of the inner city, I cross a bridge down the street and I can hop on the sky train (subway) to anywhere in the City. I’ve always wanted to live in this neighborhood, my cousin lived here and we were always kind of close. I’ve had many adventures here, always saw myself living here… manifest Destiny?
Here I am in the manifestation, it feels good and I think I know where I am going. I’m going to great places with the one I love, creating beautiful things, building with the community, being sober, being a teacher and a role model, being my genuine self and sharing this love and love of life with the world.
-Lotus in the Mud- Street Art, Poetry & The Inner Bodhisattva