And I will “DESTROY” what ever life decides to throw at me.
I feel like if you believe strong enough something will happen. No matter how far away it is. If you start walking toward it; realizing it or not. You’re going to get there. Through the universes law of attraction. Good things and bad things and everything in between can be manifested. – Nina
5:00 AM July 23rd.
Coffee brews and the sky slightly lit and the neighbourhood in silence, other than the sounds of the frogs that live in the gutters. I’m tired but, not too tired to write. Finally my mind has readjusted back to the before sunrise wake-up time. So; I’m up before my alarm goes off and I quickly silence it. Todays forecast is sunny n clouds with a high of 22 n a low of 14. Awake and alone as I’ve been for months in the morning. The day is young, and its mine…
Yes I’m alone; always alone in the morning n thats cool with me. Realizing lately that it’s okay to be alone, although it wasn’t easy for me to come to accept that notion. Being happy with ones own company is important for growth as a person and it give you time to think and I’ve been thinking a lot.
Thinking about the future and… An odd thing to feel is that you have manifested all of the aspects of your life to come together into a certain way; almost perfectly in sync… Seriously, the laws of attraction gives you these things you wanted and you try and ask yourself what you really want next? “What do I want?” and “Why do I want that?” or “How am I going to get that / there?” . How do I begin the process of manifesting once again? I honestly don’t know where I want to be heading next…
There are ways to try to manifest and realize / actualize your future through brain and mind maps; collages and lists of goals or visions of yourself in the future and I’ve used them several times which helped me get to many of the steps I’ve amounted to. Perhaps it’s time to rekindle the idea of manifesting through creativity and hard work and exploring ideas of what I really want for the rest of my life.
Luckily I’m alive today; Healthy with an opportunity to go after anything that I want. I don’t have anything holding me back (other than an anxiety disorder) but everyone has issues with that one way or another and I know that I’m extremely lucky for the freedom to choose any path… that, and as well as having all the supports I need… I am not in this alone…
Just alone in this physical moment.
At 5:00 AM July 23rd.
They stream down my face.
On a breakdown verge.
Of the mind
Shattered pieces of life
Something is heard through my sobbing…
Hearing myself as a child.
Screaming at me…
Screaming through space and time
At the top of her lungs
Through the years of pain and anguish
“Keep going! Your almost there!”.
I hear her…
and I turn away from my nightmare….
wipe my chin*
I say back to her…
And place one more step
And then another…
Towards the concept…
And all of its glory.
When I was around the age of 14 I looked into the mirror late one evening… I saw a surprised young female staring back at me and little did I know the perils facing me in the next coming decade…. Growing up as a rambunctious hoodlum I was extremely oblivious of the world around me. Although I was a sponge of all brands of culture I had no real concept of what it meant to see yourself a little different. I am now 27 years old, socially and self aware; finally am speaking to professionals about my ambition to be my opposite gender.
Internally the struggle to live as a functioning transgender member of society is indifferent and extremely additive to an already visually polluted and corrupted mind set of the world today. The DSM |V is a diagnostic statistics manual for mental health disorder’s. In the DSM they have recently changed the “gender identity disorder” to “gender dysmorphic disorder” or “gender dysphoria”. Dysphoric basically means that one does not feel right being “the norm” they believe that they must be different from what some may expect them to be (at least they removed disorder). Regardless, professional opinion is that if one dresses or acts beyond the expectation it is beyond the “norm”. I say fuck your expectations but hey… thanks for noticing we exist.
Transgender youth are at higher risk for numerous violent crimes, murders, suicides and other unpredictable circumstances in North North America. Externally we truly have a lot of monumental atrocities to deal with at this period in history, but at the same time “We Out Here” trying to change things fo’ yo’ kids! No body wants to be the subject of extreme bullying, hate crimes, gay/trans bashing ect, ect, ect. More and more people are “outing” and “coming out”, we are all dealing with this on one level or another. Thank you to all of the people fighting every day for a more accepting and loving society.
As we fight this never-ending battle with the world and with ourselves, its our soul whom we owe the victor. You are your own biggest fan! Trust in yourself and thus in your life because some say in the end… “thats all you have”. But give thanks to all your friends and family love them dearly from here to the ends of the earth because it doesn’t matter if you gay, straight, trans or bi. We all here together and nobody wants to live a lie.
The Type of writer who lites fires with typewriters.
Trans pride; n its a quite higher:
Despite my minor flaws I write because.
Inspired by role models and not cold bottles.
No more sorrow.
I’m trans and…
Trans transgender pride; my gender why?
In splendor I; am utterly myself.
Selfishly no; selfless by being oneself with.
All that I can and possibly will.
If I didn’t; I’d probably be ill.
Although it really needs no commentary.
On the contrary I still see a bigots daily
I’m doing fine but I can imagine somewhere out there…
Someone is terrified of being themselves
I see this clearly.
Now a common occurring; non obscuring event.
I present myself to the world plus my 2 cents.
Have a conscience; discriminatory nonsense.
Happiness lays around the corner for many.
Plenty if we; could set an example and
Simply be free.