Just jotting… Need to get in the habit of writing more.
Take your time to unwind from the troubles and trials
Trials and tribulations as we all are awakened
Building blocks of cornerstones unknown
Remove self from the throne
There is no self at all
Nothing to own, control, condone
Alone on ya own
How we supposed to grow
Nina
May 16th 2024. 630 AM
Clouds have finally arrived cooling the air. My new apartment is much hotter than I anticipated it to be already. And theres much more heat to come… I am very curious what this years summer will bring to me… Us… Planet earth.
I have been watching the planet changing for so very long now. I truly hope the world will come together to stop our own self destructive behavior to our own planet…
Anyways…
Everything is copacetic. I have everything I need and I am still clean and sober. I never go hungry… I want for nothing… I have been in my new place for about 5 months now and am very happy I made that decision.
Nearing ever closer to 2 years sober. This blog doesnt get enough attention. Life is good. I have my issues but nothing stops me from finding happiness. Finding so much joy in the little things. It is spring now and I am enjoying the vibe that the sunshine brings. Right now it is 3:30 In the morning as I awake from a dream about Bob Marley…
Today nothing special is planned, but who knows what is to come. But I am thinking I may be a little tired starting my day at this time. I spend most days chilling out. Sometimes visiting my parents, vibing and walking the dog… A little skateboarding… A very simple life…
Sobriety has allowed me to become a connoisseur… A collector… And a safe and secure life… (Probably a little more important lol) I will be celebrating 600 days soon. And god willing 2 years in September. I often daydream of relapsing… But um… So many of my friends have passed. I must continue to be the survivor. I must live on…
Peace
-Nina
It rains again. Washing away the yesterdays.
Cold crisp refreshing breeze as the cars slide by.
I’m trying to wake up and rubbing my eyes.
Sipping my coffee.
I managed to get outside yesterday, and the day before that.
Thankful for all the little things.
I have struggled with agoraphobia my whole life, I didnt really realize it until age 34… What was really going on with me. Is it too late? At 36 I revel in joy when finishing a single task that involves stepping outside of my door. Which isn’t that often, but often enough to give me hope. Sometimes when I go out, I am shaking, trembling in fear… Having a hard time catching my breath. I am afraid of people and I dont know why. It can be very embarrassing, sad, scary; this is what I am dealing with.
Maybe more on this to come…
451 days Sober. I arise…
5 am and all is silent. I take a puff from my vape… exhale… put it down and open wordpress and place my hands on the keyboard… Now I’m here and what does here bring? I dont remember my dreams, so theres no getting into that with you. I feel rather drowsy, tired, and uninspired. But I vow to type anyways. Life has its ups and downs and as the coffee kicks in I feel the positivity of my own life. Blessed with many things and surviving just fine. Today is all we really have. I’m thankful to be here.
I feel free. Everything is at my fingertips. And the earth under my feet is mine. So I walk. And this is where I want to be. Rain pours down and it is the most calming sound on earth. Thank you for the rain… As my walk ends my phone dies walking up the steps to my apartment and I think this is perfectly meant to be…
It is now 6 am and I am back at my computer desk. Back at WordPress. The junkie inside me is telling me I want dopamine… I want adrenaline. And I will give in soon enough. But it wont be with alcohol. It is a natural high that I seek. Runners high or freezing showers. My anxiety meds. I suppose they are a narcotic… But life is simply not livable without them. I simply want to get high.
I hope I do.
-Nina
I thought it said “Welcome”. A month earlier I had driven by, and this mural graced a parking lot. I finally had time to go back and capture this massive and fabulous mural. When I got there, it was about to break ground to become a high rise. I thought 2 things. 1- The mural […]
Aboriginal Art
I’m in the new crib as the rain pours at 3 am… Drinking an energy drink and vaping away. So very peaceful… Life feels very kind to me lately and I am gifted many blessings. I am thankful for this… I am still sober, doing art and doing just fine. The ongoing sobriety brings financial prosperity and much peace to go along with it… Also; A healthy body and mind.
I have many goals to achieve but time remains on my side. It would be nice to own a vehicle to travel the province is one of them. Other goals focus on physical and mental well being. Art, poetry and other forms of expression are not goals but I hope to continue creating for the sake of creating. Thankful for all…
I would like to return to a very minimalist lifestyle and this will take patience and perseverance. All things do really I suppose. Its the simple fact upon opening my moving boxes the realization of over-accumulating. And a remembrance of a more simple lifestyle, sometimes less is more!
Thank you Universe for everything.
Nina
Solo ride to die, Im alive sliding through the matrix.
Awaked this rhyme replacement for fake shit.
Life can be basic and and at the same time amazing.
Got a few years sober and Im so glad I made it.
Im diciplined! I dismiss the liquids that slit your system.
Trying to function at the junction like some crucifixes.
No merit to inherit just building like pyramids.
I have a fear to live in a world that I can see as clear as this.
So I try. To meditate. I strive. To levitate.
You’d be surprised at what awaits.
Behind the Reddened gates.
So pass on through; say a prayer, be aware.
Reflections of self, the wisdom in the mirror.
Peace.
-Nina
Chilled da fuks out; Let the breeze in
I need moe’ chemical incentives sedative let em’ in too
Cause I been through too much to touch on
Now I’m enhancing my lush lawn, cause the grass is greener
On my side, on the sideline of the van city to infinity
Faded amaze jaded nuff’ to fall asleep on the bus
Headed nowhere fast so the enjoyment lasts
Crushed velvet cushions of clouds I sleep on
Awakened awaiting my fate but I can see dawn
GoodnightNina. 
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