Tag Archives: Rain

Depression/Anxiety/Bipolar? Relapse? Fuck that.-Checking in with Nina

Outside it is pouring a warm rain, I’ve left the door wide open, just listening. Drinking my coffee wishing I had slept in but that’s never the case for me. The rain is beautiful and calming and I know warm weather is coming soon and I desperately need it, Sun and exploration. I have a Canon rebel hoping to be out doing street photography shoots and skate videos. Walking the city and hiking the mountains. I know. Good times are coming.

I’m still enjoying my transition; I shouldn’t even call it that because I feel complete. Instead: I’m enjoying life as a woman. I don’t have dysphoria for the most part. Sometimes I don’t even wear makeup and simply rely on my natural beauty; which feels good. I love shopping and building a never-ending wardrobe, I love doing my makeup and picking my outfits or wearing the intimate types for me or my girlfriend and my life is a thousand times better this way.

I’m climbing out of my depressive state; slowly but surely. Taking my blog seriously and taking life seriously around 100 days sober. It’s taken some getting used to coming from using my whole life and recently living in the the shelter to my beautiful home and completely sober but I’m extremely hopeful for the future; letting go of destructive uses of time and onto the constructive… I’m supposed to be tapering down my anxiety meditation but I might have to tell my doctor that I’m actually not ready for that. The thought of battling it without meditation is just… ugh. My anxiety still has a firm grip on me basically; not for any particular reason, it’s just my bipolar.

So basically I’m just overcoming, striving to be better than I was yesterday and holding onto the positives that keep me going. Extremely blessed and lucky: to be alive, to be with my love, having a home and infinite opportunities to grasp and work with. As for anxiety/depression/bipolar, I’m just going to take control of my life and ride the shit out. I’ve been through way too much in this life to let that shit control me. Fuck that.

Nina

Freedom Rain

I’m within the rain.

My eyes are heavy, raindrops hitting the windows…

I love the rain when I’m at home,

it’s engulfing my soul with its life..

I’m still and calm, eyes still heavy, relaxed,

dripping away the rain from gutters to concrete and grass.

The temperature is mild and chill*

refreshing to breathe in this rainforest we call our home. 🙂

The dogs sit quietly as if they too are relaxing to the sounds of raindrops and the –!whitecitynoise:::.

My connection to this rain is like….

a birds connection with the air beneath it’s feathers.

It represents freedom.

 

Nina Yin

Another beautiful morning.

The peaceful raindrops on my neighbors tin roof are calming to the soul.

I’m eating fresh fruit with angelic vocal trance playing out of my devices.

I optimistically picture the after of the sunrise for the night is in midway and it’s pitch black out my window

My lovers essence fills my head adding more divine texture to this moment as I smile.

Just another beautiful morning.Sketchbook-FC-4